Welcome to New Bedford!

A fictional village located in the Northeast, New Bedford is a sweet, small town with beautiful summers, cold winters, and super steamy nights. Once you visit, you’ll never want to leave.



Staff Writer

New Bedford’s only radio station is getting a facelift.

Violeta Kent, granddaughter of station owner and former New Bedford resident Maria Kent, takes over general operations at WYNB this summer. A recent graduate of Salem University’s MBA program, Kent—who has no experience in broadcasting—brings fresh perspective to a station struggling to compete in a shrinking market. Rumored changes include possible staffing and programming adjustments.

Reached by phone, Ms. Kent said she looks forward to spending more time in the town her grandmother loves:

“New Bedford has always been a special place for me. It deserves a radio station that’s reflective of its core values and caring community.”

According to sources at the station, not everyone is thrilled with Kent’s leapfrogging into the station’s top spot:

“It’s ridiculous,” said a source speaking on the condition of anonymity. “Miranda Emmet was the best station manager this station has ever had. Violeta Kent is a kid.”

Other employees had a more positive take:

“I can’t wait to meet her,” said Tina Gagnon, WYNB receptionist. “It’s about time one of the Kent women came home and took control of this place again.”

Retired rock star and notorious recluse Jack Harris seemed less interested in the proposed changes:

“Would you get away from my car and stop following me?”

Harris—a one-hit wonder who abruptly left the music business several years ago—announces for WYNB through the morning hours. His timeslot is currently interrupted by the nationally syndicated Tom Revel Show. When asked what he thought about Revel’s controversial content in relation to the station’s stated mission of being community-oriented and inclusive, Harris responded:

“I don’t know. I don’t listen to a*******.”

Pressed on his reaction to working for someone younger and less experienced than him, Harris had a more generous response:

“Listen, I’ve never met Violeta, but I trust Maria’s judgment. Always have. Always will. Move, or I’ll run over your toes.”

When asked when we could expect his long-awaited second album to drop, Harris made an obscene gesture and drove away.




COMING JUNE 10th from Carina Press!


What happens when your neighbor moves out, and the man you didn't know you always wanted moves in?

The Dirty Bits Line



Staff Writer

There’s a new face at the St. Vincent County Garage, and not everyone in town is thrilled about it.

Nathan James, a newcomer to New Bedford, arrived just in time to help prepare the county plows for the coming season. According to Cal MacDonald, County Garage Manager, the decision to hire Mr. James was an easy one:

“Nathan is a fully qualified diesel mechanic who came to us highly recommended. It’s a non-issue, and I’m not sure I understand why this personnel decision warrants the New Bedford Telegram sending someone here to interrupt my day.”

Local resident and long-time employee of the garage, Tanner Martin, agreed with MacDonald:

“Nate’s a good guy and a damn good mechanic. Some people need to mind their own business.”

“All I know is, no one knows anything about this guy,” said Kristie LeGrew, whose husband also works at the garage. “Plenty of qualified locals would have jumped at that job. What if he has a violent history? Doesn’t the public have a right to know? What about our children?”

Suds-A-Lot Laundry employee Laci Lee Rushing is rumored to spend much of her free time with James.

“If you’re not here to wash clothes, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she said.

When asked if she thought James might be a threat to the community, Rushing appeared to start crying.

“Y'all need to stop with this nonsense,” she said, her cheeks visibly pink. “Just because someone has a hard start doesn’t mean anything. Nate James is the sweetest, kindest, most lov—”

Rushing slapped her hand over her mouth and vomited in a nearby laundry sink.

A recent transplant to New Bedford herself, Rushing has connections here through her mother’s friend and Suds-A-Lot owner, Lee Ann Legault. Legault had plenty to say on the recent developments at the garage:

“This is b*******. It’s meanness for the sake of being mean.”

One thing is for sure, Mr. James has a hill to climb when it comes to gaining acceptance in New Bedford.




Staff Writer

Everyone’s favorite local bakery is about to get a lot hotter.

Henry Webster, 29, the current owner of Alva's Bakery, announced last week that his long-time friend and former New Bedford resident Leo Stewart, also 29, recently bought out half of the town’s most famous spot to grab a cupcake.

Webster, a veteran who moonlights as a beat cop for the New Bedford Police Department said the sale was something he’d been considering for months:

“It was time for a change. I can’t give Nana’s place the attention it deserves, and Ava needs a partner she can rely on.”

“Ava has done amazing work here,” agreed Stewart, a restaurateur who gave up his head chef position at Salem’s four-star Lilo Grill to return to New Bedford. “We want to make sure she’s supported any way we can. She needs to focus more on creating new flavors and less on paperwork.”

Ava Webster, 27, has worked at Alva’s since high school and took on management responsibilities after her grandmother’s death several years ago. When asked for a comment on the recent changes, Ms. Webster said:

“This whole situation is ridiculous. Leo disappears without a word ten years ago, and now we’re supposed to welcome him back with open arms. Not everyone wants whiplash, okay? Some of us were doing fine without him. Some of us were happy. Finally, happy...”

Ms. Webster hurled what appeared to be a wad of raw cookie dough at Stewart and stomped into the bakery's kitchen.

Stewart excused himself and followed, calling: “Tickle, come on.”

Officer Webster stared after his sister and best friend, rubbing his chin. “It’s her old nickname,” he said.

Mrs. Thompson, a long-standing, part-time bakery employee, winked at this reporter.

Not everyone has warm fuzzies about the newest development at Alva's, however. Reached by phone, Leo’s Salem business partner, Lillian Standridge, had this to say:

“Leo has another thing coming if he thinks he can just walk away from this place. I understand the whole Ava thing, but he made commitments to other people too. He better be ready to pay up if this is what he really wants.”

Stewart declined to respond to Standridge’s statement, but when asked about a viral video of a cat stealing one of Nana’s famous whoopie pies, Stewart said it wasn’t surprising that everyone wanted "a taste of Ava’s cookie." Then he blushed.

“She’s got the magic touch,” he said.